Taking care of the home front

My eyes fill up with tears with each new blog that I read from my team members. I was supposed to go with the team to Moldova, but just a week before leaving I had to back out because of medical reasons. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, something that I will always have to live with because I love going to Moldova, I love meeting children that I have not yet met, and I love sharing God's love and my love with each child that I meet. My decision was something that I had been struggling with for a couple of months. I knew it was going to be a strong possibilty that I wouldn't be able to go for my fourth trip. It was hard, really hard, and it still is...

I know I am still part of the team but it doesn't make it any easier to hear the stories and not to have experienced it with them. It's by far not an easy thing to deal with. My sister has been in Moldova since the beginning of June and I was so excited to see her and watch her be baptized in the coming week, but that won't happen...

After my decision to not go, I was approached with the greatest opportunity. I was asked to be the "prayer warrior" for both teams one and two. I accepted the task and was excited about it but, when I sat at home it was hard for me to say, "Jessica, you may be sick and not with the team physically but you have to chance to pray for them, the children, the church, the translators, the bus drivers, and everyone else involved continuously." I cried about it one night because I felt like I couldn't do something that was asked of me, something that I wanted to do, but something that was hard for me to do because I was so angry that I was and am sick and that kept me from going. I couldn't sleep, so I checked my e-mail. Debbie from team two had sent me a message asking me to translate "God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good," into Romanian. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was still part of both teams and that God was working through me as well. Ever since then I have been praying, and praying hard, for teams one and two.

It amazing how God reveals Himself in the little things. Just when I thought that I couldn't do something that in my heart I wanted to, but my thoughts wouldn't let me, He told me it would be okay and that praying and talking to Him was something I could do for myself, for the teams, the children, and for Him.

I went back to the doctor today and it was the same news I always get. It's frustrating and hard to hear that your doctors don't know what is wrong and knowing that they can't help you at the moment. But, I know God is in control and that He had a plan for me by saying, "Jess, it's not your time to go back to Moldova, not right now." Little did I know how great His plan was for me. I'm still heartbroken about not being in Moldova, but I'm at peace with it, because I was given the chance to pray about anything and everything you can imagine for teams one and two. No one has been given the opportunity to be a "prayer warrior" for the Sweet Sleep teams until me, that alone was scary enough. So, Emily, Jen, Bekah, Jane, Natalie, Aileen, Casi, Amy, Stephanie, Rusty, Darlene, Jeff, Lesia, Kim, and Marilyn, I'm praying for you and I have been since you left America. I know everyone is excited to see you when you get home.

Jessica